I feel like I am dead I can’t lie, I feel I just walk around with no purpose to be found, I am alone, what are real friends? Have I had them and I just blew them off? I can’t recall getting invited out by people genuinely because they wanted me there, I know it has happen on occasion nothing immensely though, when it did happen I remember fighting social anxiety and some degree of agoraphobia, but not really something you explain mainly make up excuses which usually is basically I don’t feel well with final words from me “I am sick sorry”, but I was scared (not an excuse to be scared I know) crazy because I don’t feel that exact same way anymore, underneath at times it comes out and I know it still exists. I think I been pushed to the side so many times for others to hang out with people they didn’t want me to be around, maybe embarrassed of me or some threat I just don’t fit in an outcast weird who the fuck knows. I know now that I am just alone, I think I need to accept that more than anything just how to make use of that alone time, Any good memory or sense of accomplishment never really happened with me alone it was something shared, I love to share underneath it all and embrace others and really go out and have a fun time just be myself with others it brings out things you didn’t know of whom you are I don’t remember who I am.